I consider myself a happy person. I've learned to handle life's issues far better than I was able to last year. And I know I made some melodramatic post a few months ago and admitted some pretty deep things, but I was handling things better then, too.

The thing about divorce is I've learned that there's always going to be one parent wanting to drag the children into the conflict. The one parent will text you and ask you to tell their former significant other about how sorry they are, about how they still love them, but they will never give you an apology. The one parent will get mad at you when you say you don't really want to live with them.  They will yell "I know I'm the enemy" when you get into an argument.

I have this fantasy where I can be happy without a sliver of bitterness tainting it. Where I can spend more than 24 hours with the other parent without wanting to leave. Where I can answer the phone and not feel anger in my chest, where my sister doesn't ask if daddy is ever going to come back. Where loud bangs in the house from my sister accidentally kicking the wall in her sleep won't wake me and fill me with fear.

I didn't realize that him leaving would be this hard to handle. That emotional stress doesn't just magically go away.  The catalyst can leave, but the issues don't.